Episode Description
The Subtle Signs They’re Into You and Gratitude, the Key to Longevity
This week’s positive news:
Have you ever wondered whether someone finds you attractive? Arielle walks us through the subconscious ways people communicate attraction. Then, Karissa talks about the power of gratitude for expanding your lifespan.
The Optimist Daily is a project of The World Business Academy.
Donate link: https://www.optimistdaily.com/donate-to-support-the-optimist-daily/?gift=Y%20http://
Transcript
Theme music
Arielle
Hello and welcome to the Optimist Daily’s weekly roundup. I’m Arielle.
Karissa
And I’m Karissa and we’re working hard to put solutions in view and optimism in movement.
Arielle
All right, made it to the weekend again!
Karissa
Yeah, feeling good.
Arielle
How are you doing?
Karissa
I’m doing well. I am getting ready for a weekend of kind of just relaxing before a few weekends of a little bit of… not chaos, it’ll also be relaxing… but a little bit of hard work… Because I have two to three camping trips potentially planned (laughs).
Arielle
Busy, busy (laughs).
Karissa
Yeah, but it’ll be a good time.
Arielle
Do you… do like ‘roughing it’ type of camping? Or are you more of a glamping girl?
Karissa
Well, what do you consider roughing it (laughs)?
Arielle
Um, well, I guess… Uh, no showers, just uh, jumping in the lake if you need to clean yourself off; having just like one backpack and your tent and lugging it all the way through and like hiking (laughs). That’s… that’s my version of roughing it.
Karissa
OK, maybe I like half rough it half glamp a little bit, because I definitely will have more than just a backpack and a tent (laughs). I’ll definitely be packing my car up to the brim with stuff by day, but I mean, I do go without showers cause two days is fine. If you just have the lake.
Arielle
OK, right.
Karissa
So, getting a little dirty is fine. Dirt never hurts but… yeah, but I mean, I definitely, like, I need to have all my stuff, not just one backpack worth so (laughs).
Arielle
OK, alright. So, you’re somewhere in the middle
Karissa
Somewhere in the middle. Yeah, exactly.
Arielle
Nice.
Karissa
Yeah. Arielle, how is it going over in Amsterdam right now?
Arielle
Things are good. Things are relaxed this weekend. Yeah, I think I’m in a similar position where the next month will be very busy. Uh, so September is going to be quite a chaotic month and from here on out for the rest of August, I just want to chill. Relax, you know, just not do anything too strenuous, not commit to any crazy parties or… or, uh, do any festivals or anything. It’s just going to be nice and calm. But yeah, nothing really… nothing of note to report, I suppose.
Karissa
Well, that’s great. I feel like August is a good time to slow down.
Arielle
Yeah, I think we’re always just so busy with our lives that it’s hard to remember that you need to relax sometimes.
Karissa
Totally!
Arielle
I guess we can just jump into our solutions this week. I think we both have some pretty fun ones.
Karissa
Yeah.
Arielle
Do you mind if I go first this time?
Karissa
Yeah. Arielle, please. I’m so excited to hear what solution you have to share this week.
Arielle
OK, so today I wanted to talk about something that we’ve probably all wondered about at some point… and it’s how to tell if someone is attracted to you! Not just the obvious signs, but those subtle subconscious cues that can give it all away.
So, the title is: They like me, they like me not: 3 subconscious signs someone is attracted to you.
Karissa
(laughs)
Arielle
Alright. Are you ready to decode some of the secret signals?
Karissa
I am totally ready. So, what’s the first sign we should be on the lookout for?
Arielle
So, the first big sign is all about the eyes. And you know, there are a lot of love songs out there that talk about eyes and eye contact. Like for instance, I Can’t Take My Eyes Off of You. One of my favorites. Well, that’s because prolonged eye contact is a major indicator of attraction.
Karissa
Yeah.
Arielle
People who are attracted to someone tend to maintain eye contact longer than usual, and they’re basically just trying to connect with you on a deeper level.
Karissa
So, if someone’s just staring at you from across the room and they’re not just zoning out, it could be a sign that they’re interested in you?
Arielle
Yeah, I know. This one seems a bit obvious, but actually, I think I, I looked into it a little bit more and regular eye contact is 3 seconds or less. So, if you notice that someone is like really…
Karissa
Mm-hmm.
Arielle
…trying to catch your eye and when you finally do, uh, talk to them or something, they keep eye contact with you for longer than three seconds, then that is a definite sign that you’re attractive to them. There’s also more to it. There’s a 2014 study published in Psychological Science that found that when people are in love, they focus more on the person’s face and on the other hand, if you’re thinking…
Karissa
Hmm.
Arielle
…more about the lusty side of it than the gaze shifts to the body. So, I guess that makes sense. But those long, deep stares into your eyes are like saying: You have my full attention.
Karissa
My heart is fluttering a bit.
Both
(laugh)
Karissa
OK, so what’s our second clue?
Arielle
So, the second sign is something called mirroring. And this is when someone subconsciously imitates your gestures, posture, or speaking patterns, and it’s their way of nonverbally saying I’m interested and I like you. Because it creates this sense of harmony and makes interactions more enjoyable. I guess for, like, a more solid example, it’s like when you’re on a date and you lean in and then they lean in, or you take a sip of your drink and then they do the same right after you. And those subtle actions show that they’re in sync with you. There’s a 2016 study that found that people in romantic relationships mimic their partners more than they do close platonic friends.
Karissa
Yeah.
Arielle
And this mirroring is linked to relationship quality and a stronger bond. So, if your date is copying your movements, they’re likely very into you.
Karissa
That’s really cool. Reminds me of what I was like in middle school, and I would Google ‘how to know if your crush is interested in you back’…
Arielle
(laughs)
Karissa
…and like, if you’re in class and their knee is like pointed towards you, or like if their body’s like shifted to you something? I’m like, OK, my crush from across the class is definitely shifted toward me.
Arielle
That’s a sign (laughs).
Karissa
They’re definitely into me. So, there is psychology behind this.
Arielle
Well, actually before I go to the last sign. You have a boyfriend Karissa!
Karissa
Yeah, I do.
Arielle
When did you know that he was into you?
Karissa
I mean, I think like the eye contact thing for just like looking across the room. I was with some friends, and you know, one of my friends was like, it was just really sweet how he was, like, always looking at you and, like, trying to get your eye.
Arielle
Aww (laughs).
Karissa
Do you feel similar with your partner, Arielle?
Arielle
Well, I definitely made the first move with him.
Both
(laugh)
Arielle
But there was a lot of intense eye contact.
Karissa
Uh-huh. Yeah.
Arielle
We didn’t really talk that much. We were in a group setting when we met and it kind of stayed that way because… well, it was COVID and we were in a hostel in Costa Rica and there were…
Karissa
Mm-hmm.
Arielle
…a lot of people there. But yeah, there was some intense eye contact. That was the first sign, so I’m happy that this article has kind of confirmed my experience, validated the experience.
Karissa
Yeah. It’s all in the eyes.
Arielle
And I actually have to admit to employing the last sign. I suppose? So. The final sign that I’m going to talk about is all about the voice. So, when someone is attracted to you, their voice tends to change; it softens and it modulates as a subconscious way to appear more appealing…
Karissa
Okay.
Arielle
…and I think I definitely made my voice sound…
Both
(laugh)
Arielle
…or I tried anyway to make my voice sound a little sexier, I guess, when I was talking to him
Both
(laugh)
Arielle
Because he… he’s a very smart guy and I also wanted to come across as like a smooth, smart, clever woman, I guess.
Karissa
All of which you are.
Arielle
Thanks (laugh). That’s what I was trying to do with my voice, and that’s definitely a sign of uh, someone’s attraction to you.
Karissa
Makes sense trying to sound more interesting and more attractive.
Arielle
Precisely. And there’s another study from 2018 that showed that both men and women change their vocal tone when they’re interested in someone. Men usually lower their pitch while women might raise theirs. So, just making themselves more desirable to the other person.
Karissa
Oh my gosh. Yeah. So much goes on without us even realizing it.
Arielle
Mhm, super fascinating. So, to recap, if someone’s making prolonged eye contact, mirroring your actions, and modulating their voice, they’re probably definitely into you. And these subtle cues can be more telling than words. So, next time if you’re wondering if someone likes you, keep an eye or an ear out for these signs.
Karissa
This is some really helpful info, and I love this solution because romance is part of many of our lives. I think this is a really fun and practical solution that many of us deal with.
Arielle
Yeah, love is great. It’s also confusing!
Karissa
Exactly (laughs)!
Arielle
So, knowing the signs can help it uh, be a little bit more simple for us because human behavior is complex, but it is incredibly interesting, at least to me. So, you know, you can’t really go wrong by staying curious and observant.
Karissa
Well, thank you, Arielle. I’m really glad you shared this solution. I’m super grateful for the romance in my life and just love in general so… kind of brings me to my solution. If I can go into it.
Arielle
Yeah, of course!
Karissa
The solution that stuck out to me this week was: Be grateful, live longer: how gratitude boosts longevity and well-being.
Arielle
Nice, more about kind of like human behavior.
Karissa
I think I’ve said a lot on the podcast about how I’m really big for gratitude journaling and, you know, taking that time to really appreciate the small and big things we have in our lives. I was excited to see that all of that can lead to a longer life. A recent study of over 50,000 older women discovered that those who felt more grateful had a considerably lower probability of dying within the next three years. Gratitude may be more than just a feel-good emotion. It could be the secret to living a longer and healthier life.
Arielle
Well, who knew that gratitude can be so powerful!
Karissa
It’s been long recognized for its power to improve our mood and overall well-being, but on top of those benefits, like I said, it’s expanding our lifespan.
I love bringing up gratitude at different times because I think gratitude comes up a lot in the holiday season. Thanksgiving in America, for instance, and stuff, it’s all about that. But sometimes we tend to forget throughout the year and so it’s always good to come back to it.
Arielle
Yeah. Gratitude never goes out of style. It’s not seasonal. It’s for your everyday life.
Karissa
Yeah.
Arielle
How did the researchers scientifically prove the power of gratitude, though?
Karissa
Ying Chen of Harvard University’s Human Flourishing Program led the current study, which used data from the Nurses’ Health study, a long-term effort that has been studying the health of thousands of American women since 1976.
In 2016, the participants were asked to score their sense of gratitude. Their responses were then examined to determine whether there was a correlation with longevity, and the results were stunning. Because women with the greatest gratitude scores were 29% less likely to die in the next three years than those with the lowest values.
Arielle
Oh wow
Karissa
It’s pretty significant. This correlation remained even after controlling for age, marital status, social and religious activity, and overall health. And even after accounting for particular health concerns such as heart disease, stroke, cancer, and diabetes, the most thankful women had a 27% decreased risk of dying. And also after controlling for lifestyle characteristics such as smoking, drinking, exercise, body mass index, and diet quality, the most grateful women had a 21% decreased chance of dying as well.
Arielle
That’s like a big chunk, you know.
Karissa
It is a big chunk! These findings are really compelling, and it is worth noting that the study demonstrates correlation rather than causality, but it opens up fascinating new avenues for future research and practical applications in health and well-being.
Arielle
Well, do you have any tips on how we can let more gratitude into our life then?
Karissa
Yeah, we should know that gratitude is something that can be nourished and deepened. Here are some simple strategies to foster appreciation in your daily life and hopefully have a longer life.
Arielle
Mhm.
Karissa
Number one, as I kind of already mentioned and the thing I already love to do is to keep a gratitude journal. Every day you can write down at least three things you’re grateful for. This simple technique might help you change your attention from what is wrong to what is right in your life. And if you already journal, it’s good just to add that into the end or beginning of your journal entry.
And then tip number two is to express your appreciation to others. You can write thank you notes or letters to those who have made a difference in your life. But delivering these words in person can be especially impactful. So, if you’re really thinking about how someone betters your life, it’s important to tell them.
Arielle
Yeah, important for them to know and important for you to express.
Karissa
Yeah, and tip number three is to reflect on positive experiences. Take a few minutes each day to reflect on wonderful events and things you’re grateful for. This can help to strengthen pleasant feelings and minimize stress, so even if you’re not gratitude journaling, I feel like taking time out of your day to just, you know, think about what you’re grateful for and making that a daily practice can also be so great and so helpful.
Arielle
Yeah, and really easy to include into your schedule because, like, we all have to commute, or we all fold laundry, and that’s a perfect time to just think about all the good things you’ve experienced.
Karissa
Totally. Even when you’re just like in bed, about to go to sleep thinking about things that you’re grateful for that day too can be a really nice way to send off your day.
This brings me to tip number four, which is to practice mindfulness. Because mindfulness meditation can help you be present and grateful in the moment, so incorporating appreciation into your mindfulness practice can increase its effectiveness.
And then number five is to perform acts of kindness. Serving others can increase sentiments of gratitude. So, volunteer time or do tiny acts of kindness to develop a thankful heart. These latest findings on gratitude, as we were talking about, add to an expanding body of evidence indicating that thankfulness has several health advantages as well.
Arielle
Oh, wow. Please share!
Karissa
In general, the big picture is longevity, but people who practice thankfulness regularly have better cardiovascular health, lower levels of inflammation, and decreased cholesterol levels. They’re also more likely to practice healthy habits, such as frequent exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep. And furthermore, gratitude is linked to decreased rates of sadness, increased social support, and a stronger feeling of purpose, all of which are associated with a longer life. Incorporating gratitude into your daily routine will not only improve your emotional and physical health, but of course it may help you live longer. And we’re all on that quest for longevity.
Arielle
Yeah, that’s incredible that expressing gratitude and just being grateful can have such an effect on so many different aspects of your life as well.
Karissa
Yeah.
Arielle
I’m happy that I do practice gratitude quite often. I think also having this job is a good reminder to always practice gratitude.
We always have some article in rotation, or a lot of the evergreen articles have to do with thankfulness and yeah. It’s just a really nice and apparently very effective reminder to be thankful and to increase my lifespan, which I’m totally down for.
Karissa
I’m happy to share something on gratitude once again! I will never get sick of sharing… and I definitely feel like this was a really great roundup of solutions, but we have some other great solutions that you can find on our website optimistdaily.com including:
Arielle
Microwave magic redefines lithium recovery in batteries. Natural ways to fight hair loss: 6 foods that block DHT. And the US women’s relay swim team wins Olympic gold, claims new world record.
Karissa
Go Team USA! Alright. And we also have MIT engineers convert soda cans and seawater into zero-emission fuel. Eight delicious and healthier homemade alternatives to sugary soda. So two soda solutions! G20 nations support Brazil’s super-rich tax proposal to fight climate change and poverty, so go check those out.
Arielle
If you want to start your day off right, make sure to subscribe to our free daily newsletter to get our solutions straight to your inbox.
Karissa
We also have more on our social channels. You can find us @OptimistDaily on all of our platforms, including Threads and Pinterest. The only difference is on X, we are known as @OdeToOptimism.
Arielle
We’re a small team of optimists working hard to bring you positive news. If you want to support our mission of putting optimism into the world, please click on the link in the show notes to find out how you can do that.
Karissa
And support doesn’t always have to be financial. Even just recommending our podcast to a friend, leaving a positive review on Apple or Spotify, forwarding a link to a friend, or sharing a solution on your socials would be a big help.
Arielle
Well, have a great weekend Karissa and I hope you relax, and you find a moment to be grateful.
Karissa
Yeah. I wish a very gratitude-filled weekend to you, Arielle, too, and our listeners and we’ll be back next week with more solutions, but until then…
Arielle
Yup, we’ll see you later!
Both
Bye!
