Episode Description

This week’s lovey-dovey news:

Both Karissa and Arielle are feeling the love this week! Karissa shares the love story of Magic and Sphen, the same-sex Gentoo penguin couple from Sydney’s Sea Life Aquarium, who became symbols of equality and love. Unfortunately, Sphen passed away recently, and the entire penguin community at Sea Life sang in chorus to grieve the loss of their colony member. Then, Arielle brings up the quirky “secret languages” between couples. This sometimes cringeworthy private habit actually makes us closer and strengthens the relationship. She explains why.

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Transcript 

Theme music 

Karissa 

Hello and welcome to the Optimist Daily’s weekly roundup. I’m Karissa. 

Arielle 

And I’m Arielle, and we’re working hard to put solutions in view and optimism in movement. 

Karissa 

Hello. We’re back again with another episode of our podcast to share the solutions from the Optimist Daily this week. How are you, Arielle? 

Arielle 

I’m doing well, but if anyone thinks that I sound kind of sniffly, it’s not because I’m sad or because I’m crying. 

Karissa 

(Laughs) 

Arielle 

It’s just because I was cutting onions a little bit before we started recording (laughs). 

Karissa 

Uh. I know. Yeah. When we were talking before this, I was like… are you okay?  

Both 

(Laugh) 

But I am also kind of a teeny bit sniffly; it’s allergy season once again in the Central Valley of California. It’s harvest time starting. So, there’s a lot of dust in the air… 

Arielle 

I see. 

Karissa 

…but it is okay. I’m just glad I’m not actually sick. 

Arielle 

Mm-hm. 

Karissa 

Because having a fever and everything would be a lot worse. 

Arielle 

Yeah. You were kind of feeling under the weather last week, weren’t you? 

Karissa 

Yeah, I was, but I got a pretty nice relaxing weekend. I got a little bit of outdoor time, which was nice, some relaxing outdoor time. Just chilling. But how about you, Arielle? What have you been up to since we last heard from you? 

Arielle 

Oh, well, I’m halfway through my cat pod (laughs). 

Karissa 

Ohh yeah (laughs) we were talking about that last week with our craft solution (laughs). 

Arielle 

Yeah. So, for listeners who didn’t tune in last week, I am… I’m crocheting a cat pod and it’s… it’s quite difficult actually! Like it’s a… it’s like a knuckle breaker. 

Karissa 

(Laughs) 

Arielle 

I have to pull the yarn really tight, and it’s important to have it quite, like, stiff. So it would hold its shape. 

And yeah, it’s been, umm, a bit of a struggle… but anything for arts and crafts and friendship because I’m making it as a gift (laughs). 

Karissa 

Yes, exactly (laughs). 

Arielle 

But other than that, there’s honestly not much to report! 

Karissa 

Not so much to report, except arts and crafts and improving your happiness so (laughs)… 

Arielle 

But speaking of, like, emotions and… and happiness, and maybe some sadness and… 

Karissa 

I was going to say! Cutting back to who’s cutting the onions (laughs)… 

Arielle 

Yeah (laughs). 

Karissa 

…like you mentioned earlier… today’s solution is titled Celebrating life, love, and equality: penguins sing to mourn loss of colony member Sphen.  

Arielle 

Oh, wow. 

Karissa 

So, I know we’re the Optimist Daily, and this solution is a little bit sad because we lost a penguin in the world who was an icon for gay rights.  

But there’s so many lessons that we can learn from Sphen’s life, and we’re going to dive into some of those right now. In this moving display of grief, the penguins at Sydney’s Sea Life Aquarium over in Australia recently paid tribute to Sphen, a beloved member of their colony who died of natural causes.  

Sphen was more than just another Gentoo penguin. He was one half of a famous same-sex couple who won the hearts of people all across the world. Sphen and his companion Magic became symbols of equality and love, breaking down barriers and inspiring many people. 

Arielle 

Ah, this is so, so sad. It’s heartbreaking, but also beautiful. And I’m… I’m curious to hear more about their love story. 

Karissa 

Yeah, so Sphen and Magic’s relationship began in a way that was conventional for their species, but extraordinary and its impact. They were at an aquarium, so their relationship was really on showcase for so many people. And because of social media and the Internet, the world really. So. 

Arielle 

Mhmm. 

Karissa 

The two male penguins began their courtship with the Gentoo-specific ritual, which is collecting and giving stones to each other. Renee Howell, the aquarium’s penguin keeper, says: You see penguins searching along the beach, along the ice looking for these perfect pebbles to give their partners. And these stones were more than just marks of devotion. They served as the foundation for their nest, where they would eventually raise their adopted brood. 

Arielle 

Oh my gosh, they had like a little courting thing going on and then they adopted children! This is… it’s giving me Happy Feet! (laughs). 

Karissa 

Exactly (laughs). 

Arielle 

And also with the singing, because you said that everyone grieved by singing.  

Karissa 

Uh-huh! 

Arielle 

This is a fascinating ability of penguins and it just goes to show the complexity of animals in the Animal Kingdom.  

Karissa 

Yeah, I think it’s super fascinating. I mean these are known facts about penguins already, but just being reminded of, like you said, the complexity of animals in general… because there’s a lot of different species that do these courting processes. There’s a lot of different animal species that will also adopt and have, you know, these funeral processes and grieving. So, they have all these complex emotions that I guess we typically associate more with humans, but the Animal Kingdom is so wide and there’s… we like to say there’s more similarities than differences between us. 

Arielle 

Mm-hmm, yeah. 

Karissa 

And we’re all part of this world and I think it’s just so beautiful that this article is kind of emphasizing that.  

But kind of going more into why this couple rose to fame… this very adorable couple first made headlines in 2018 for successfully adopting and raising a chick named Sphengic. I’m assuming that’s… 

Arielle 

I guess it’s like Sphen and Magic? 

Karissa 

Yes, Sphen and Magic.  

Both 

(Laugh) 

Karissa 

But they ended up renaming Sphengic to… Lara? 

Arielle 

Yeah, maybe a more conventional name. 

Karissa 

And then two years later, they expanded their family by adopting a second chick named Clancy. 

Arielle 

Aw! 

Karissa 

According to Howell, she says that same-sex partnerships among penguins are rather common and Sphen and Magic, like any other penguin couple, shared the parenting responsibilities. So Sphen and Magic divvied up the roles quite evenly, she said. And they had a very strong bond in cooperation. 

Arielle 

And a good example to other parents as well… 

Karissa 

Totally.  

Arielle 

…to divide the roles and the tasks of the household and raising children evenly.  

Karissa 

Yeah.  

Arielle 

We can take note! (Laughs). 

Karissa 

Just one of the many lessons we can take from this beautiful partnership. But when Sphen unfortunately died recently, the aquarium workers felt like they had to allow Magic to say farewell. In the wild, a penguin will often search for its absent spouse, and to avoid this, the keeper summoned Magic to examine Sphen’s body. So, he got a proper goodbye.  

Arielle 

Aw. 

Karissa 

(Sighs). But like we were saying about this singing, as Magic neared his spouse, he began to sing, and a heartfelt cry was quickly echoed by the entire 45-penguin population. And Howell told The Guardian that it was a very beautiful moment. The air was just filled with their singing, and it showed the impact Sphen had on his partner, and that Magic actually recognized his partner was there, so. 

Arielle 

Yeah, what a touching farewell. I can just imagine it. And it really emphasizes the love and unity that Sphen and Magic stood for. 

Karissa 

Though Sphen is no longer among them, his legacy continues. It’s so heartbreaking for the penguin colony, and I’m sure beloved fans all around the world, and the staff too at the aquarium has to be grieving.  

But good news for Magic who is now in his first breeding season without Sphen. He has already begun to gather pebbles, which is a hopeful sign that he may be able to start over.  

But yeah, nonetheless, Sphen and Magic’s love story has left a very big mark on the hearts of people who love them and the global community they inspired.  

I mean, first of all, I love a solution about the power and inspiration of love, especially when it comes to loving who you want to love. So, that is key. Even though we lost Sphen, you know, there’s so much more that he stood for.  

And these penguins, being in an aquarium too, I think, are just a great example for children and people of all ages to understand that same-sex love and attraction is inherently natural and not just exclusive to humans. In a world where that fact is not always accepted, I think it’s a very inspiring story that will truly stand the test of time. 

Arielle 

Mm-hmm. 

Karissa 

And also, we found out too that, through Sphen and Magic’s global fame, the aquarium has been able to share important messages on conservation, plastic pollution, global warming and the importance of protecting wild penguins through fundraising initiatives. So, kudos to the Sea Life Sydney team for getting Sphen and Magic’s love story out there. 

Arielle 

Yeah, I just keep imagining them going through life together and raising their… their brood. But on the topic of couples, I also have a little bit of a romantic article (laughs). 

Karissa 

Okay, yeah! 

Arielle 

I wanted to get into something pretty fun, but also maybe a little bit cringy. 

Both 

(Laugh) 

Arielle 

And that is the secret languages in relationships. So, the article that I chose is titled: How secret languages and intimate communication bring couples closer. 

Karissa 

Ooh, this is a fun one to dive into. 

Arielle 

Yeah, a little bit of romance, a little bit of spice, a little bit of funniness!  

Karissa 

Mm-hmm  

Arielle 

So, you know those… those quirky little ways couples talk to each other that would probably make anyone else roll their eyes or like, just feel a bit embarrassed. 

Karissa 

Mm-hm. 

Arielle 

The thing is, is that they’re actually super important! 

Karissa 

Okay, so you’re telling me that all the weird baby talk and made-up words couples use are actually good for their relationship?

Arielle 

Exactly. It turns out that these, quote un quote, secret languages are like the secret sauce of intimacy!  

Both 

(Laugh) 

Arielle 

According to a study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, these unique communication styles, whether it’s adding silly syllables to words or coming up with random pet names are crucial for relationship satisfaction, so it’s all about building what researchers call a, quote un quote, culture of two. 

Karissa 

Culture of two. I like that! I see where this is coming from. But baby talk? I always thought that this was just something parents do with their kids. Or maybe… people do to their pets ‘cause I know I do baby talk to our pets (laughs). 

Arielle 

Yeah (laughs) I’m… I’m guilty of that. For sure.  

Both 

(Laugh) 

Arielle 

But yeah, you’re not alone in that thought. However, the kicker is that 75% of couples admit to using baby talk with each other… and that’s just the couples that admit to doing it! So maybe it’s even more.  

And when they’re doing that, it’s not just for laughs. According to Dean Falk, an anthropology professor, this kind of speech actually taps into the emotional centers of our brains. He says it’s pretty much instinctive to talk to loved ones the way our first loves–our mothers–spoke to us. He also adds that baby speak engages the right half of our brains which is in charge of processing emotions, making it an efficient way to express affection. 

So, using it is like a fast track to expressing affection and bonding with your partner. And, on that note, I have a personal question to ask you Karissa! 

Karissa 

(Laughs) 

Arielle 

But, of course, there’s no pressure to answer on the podcast (laughs). The question is, do you and your partner have any pet names or like secret words? 

Karissa 

I know! I was thinking of this when we started talking about this article. We’re definitely guilty of some baby talk, and I feel like we don’t really have pet names. I think sometimes…. Maybe we think it’s ironic, but maybe it’s becoming less ironic… we’ll be like ohh pookie. 

Arielle 

Aww  

Both 

(Laugh) 

Karissa 

Like just in private, but I would never like, say it in front of other people. So, like it’s all in private. I guess, you know, whatever we do, all these voices, it makes our relationships stronger as you say.  

Arielle 

Yeah!  

Karissa 

And that’s so wild to think! (laughs). 

Arielle 

Might seem silly, but it is a sign of deep emotional connection. And yeah, I mean, like, at least your pet names make sense. 

Karissa 

Do you have any Arielle? (Laughs) 

Arielle 

Honestly, I just say babe.  

Karissa 

Yeah 

Arielle 

That’s my go-to. It’s not anything creative or whatever. But his pet names for me… were just like the most random (laughs)…  

Karissa 

Ohh.

Arielle 

Yeah, they’re not consistent normally. But he would just be like, hello, my little bottle cap. 

Karissa 

(Laughs) 

Arielle 

Or like… Ohh hello sweet broccoli.  

Karissa 

Aww! 

Arielle 

Or like, just really, really random things, which I guess is also a version of this weird private language. 

Karissa 

Uh-huh. Yeah, I think that’s similar. 

Arielle 

Yeah, exactly.  

Karissa 

(Laughs) 

Arielle 

And that’s what the article says. It’s not just baby talk. It’s not just, like, the tone of voice. Couples often develop their own private languages over time. 

Karissa 

Totally.  

Arielle 

So things like inside jokes, nicknames, or even funny ways of pronouncing words… like this article references writer Suzanna Weiss, who wrote for The Cut that she and her partner would turn the word hug into higgle hug or dog into diggle dog.  

Karissa 

(Laughs) 

Arielle 

The cool part is that the more couples use these kinds of quirky communications, the happier they tend to be. So, it’s like a secret code that says we’re in this together and nobody else gets it. 

Karissa 

Yeah, I really love that! These little quirks are what make your relationship truly unique. 

Arielle 

Yeah, totally. These secret languages are more than just playful banter. They’re vocal symbols of your bond. So, you know, the next time you find yourself using a word or a phrase that only you and your partner understand, don’t be embarrassed! You should celebrate it.  

Karissa 

(Laughs) 

Arielle 

It’s proof that your relationship is one-of-a-kind. 

Karissa 

These inside jokes and goofy nicknames. I guess they’re not just endearing, they’re the glue that holds everything together. 

Arielle 

Yeah. In a way, that’s true. They create a mini world where it’s just the two of you. And that’s something worth cherishing at the end of the day. I guess just go ahead, embrace the cringe in your relationship and your love will be better for it! 

Karissa 

Ohh that’s really cute. And who knew that being a little weird together could be so good for your love life? 

Arielle 

Yeah, it makes me think about… well, I don’t wanna humanize Sphen and Magic too much. But, like, maybe they had their own little culture of two as well. 

Karissa 

Aww! I’m sure they did! Very nice to remember and celebrate their love and just celebrate love in general.  

Arielle 

Mm-hmm.  

Karissa 

Like I said, love is a solution worth celebrating in itself.  

Arielle 

You know, this was a great love-themed roundup of solutions, but we do have some other great solutions from this week that you can find on our website optimistdaily.com including… 

Karissa 

Work-life balance: Australia grants employees the right to disconnect after hours. The ultimate guide to drying and storing fresh garden herbs for year-round homegrown flavor. Big toe mobility: don’t overlook this humble joint’s big role in health and fitness.  

Arielle 

(Laughs) 

Karissa 

I got to read that one. And then we also have Queen of salsa Celia Cruz is first Afro-Latina to be honored on the US quarter. 

Arielle 

Alright. We also have Texas blends clean energy and sustainable farming with the help of 6000 sheep. Statue of late Civil Rights leader John Lewis replaces Confederate monument in Georgia. Wind and solar energy production in US surpasses coal for the first time in history. And, Harvesting sunflower seeds: a simple guide to enjoying this homegrown summer snack. 

Karissa 

Cool. Lots of great solutions to check out. But if you want to start your day off right, make sure to subscribe to our free daily newsletter to get our solutions straight to your inbox. 

Arielle 

We also have a lot more on our social channels. You can find us @optimistdaily on all of our platforms. That includes Threads and Pinterest. The only different one is on X. On there we are @OdeToOptimism. 

Karissa 

And we are a small team of optimists working hard to bring you positive news. If you want to support our mission of putting optimism into the world, click on the link in the show notes to find out how. 

Arielle 

And remember that support doesn’t always have to be financial. Even just recommending our podcast to a friend, leaving a positive review on Apple or Spotify, forwarding a link to a loved one, or sharing a solution on your socials would be a huge help. 

Karissa  

So good to be here with you today Arielle and share these solutions on love and I’m looking forward to being back next week with more from the Optimist Daily! 

Arielle 

Hope everybody has a love-filled weekend, and we’ll see you next time.  

Karissa 

Bye, pookie.  

Arielle 

Bye! 

Both 

(Laugh)