BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM

We’re all aware that being connected with others is critical for our health and happiness. In fact, strong social relationships can help us live longer lives, whereas loneliness can be as bad for our health as smoking a pack of cigarettes every day. But what if socializing leaves you feeling drained rather than energized? 

If you require days to recover after spending time with others, you are not alone. Fortunately, there are strategies to strengthen your social relationships without depleting your energy. Here’s how to accomplish it.

Why does socializing feel so draining?

1. Over-connectivity takes its toll

In today’s hyper-connected society, it’s easy to stay connected at all times. Whether it’s replying to work emails, checking social media notifications, or sliding into DMs, the constant stream of activity can be exhausting. The continual connection can impair your sleep and make you less open to meaningful conversations. According to Dr. Perpetua Neo, a clinical psychologist, “The energy cost of switching your attention all the time trumps whatever dopamine boost you get from receiving another like.” One approach to manage this is to turn off unneeded notifications and designate particular times to check your devices, allowing yourself to recharge.

2. You ignore your unique social rhythm

Everyone has a varied attention span, and we all have our own “social rhythm.” Some people may spend hours socializing, while others are exhausted after only a short time. Understanding your social rhythm allows you to make better judgments about how and when to interact with people. Dr. Neo offers an idea: “Consider your social attention span and start tweaking your interactions based on that.” For example, if extended gatherings leave you exhausted, try scheduling shorter, more regular meet-ups that correspond to your typical energy flow.

3. You try to be an extrovert when you’re not

Not everyone thrives during big social situations, and that’s absolutely fine. If you are more introverted, you may prefer to engage in deep, meaningful talks with one or two people rather than mingle in a throng. Dr. Neo highlights the necessity of understanding and respecting one’s social style: “Stop second-guessing your neural wiring and embrace it.” By focusing on smaller, more intimate interactions, you can enjoy socializing without feeling exhausted.

4. You subject yourself to too much emotional labor

Being the go-to person for people’s concerns can be emotionally draining. While it’s good to be a supportive friend, continually listening to others’ problems might leave you exhausted. Dr. Neo recommends creating limits and asking yourself, “Does this person deserve my attention?” It’s also useful to determine whether someone needs a listening ear or is looking for solutions, which will help you manage your emotional energy more effectively.

5. Social obligations weigh you down

Sometimes we continue to socialize with others out of obligation rather than true enthusiasm. These relationships can be exhausting, especially if they aren’t fulfilling. Dr. Neo recommends gently discussing any concerns in these relationships and limiting how frequently you meet. If particular social ties are no longer bringing you joy, it may be time to reassess their role in your life.

6. Background stressors drain your energy

Even before we start socializing, life’s obstacles can leave us exhausted. Work stress, personal issues, or simply a hectic schedule can make social plans feel more like a chore than a pleasure. It’s best to be honest with your friends about your present energy levels. Dr. Neo suggests letting friends know that you have been a bit unfocused lately and that due to life circumstances, you may be less available. That keeps the guesswork out of it and might help you maintain your relationships without overextending yourself.

7. Social media exhaustion

For some, the socializing does not stop when the event ends; it continues on social media. Sharing memories online can be enjoyable, but it can also be exhausting. If you feel compelled to document everything, Dr. Neo recommends being careful about who you interact with on social media, focusing on what actually strengthens your friendships rather than feeling driven to post everything.

Reclaiming your social energy: tips for a balanced social life

1. Choose activities that energize you

Not all social activities are created equal. Consider the types of interactions that make you feel energized rather than depleted. Whether it’s a gentle walk, a relaxed coffee date, or a shared errand, finding ways to socialize that match your energy level can make a big impact.

2. Say no to overly demanding social events

It’s okay to say no to things that feel more like a chore than a joy. For example, having a dinner party may sound appealing, but if the planning, cooking, and cleaning fatigue you, seek simpler alternatives or outsource tasks to others. Sharing tasks with friends can make gatherings more fun for everyone.

3. Make a “To-Don’t” list

Knowing what you don’t want to do is as vital. Make a “Don’t” list of certain people and/or things that routinely sap your energy. This list will help you prioritize your time and concentrate on what actually makes you happy.

4. Figure out your social energy quotas

Determine how much social engagement you require to feel satisfied without becoming overwhelmed. Dr. Neo proposes categorizing your social energy as “basic minimum,” “regular levels,” and “awesome to have” levels. This strategy allows you to tailor your social calendar to your present energy and attitude.

5. Set aside “me time” in your schedule

Make sure you schedule time for yourself. This “Me Time” is critical for recharging your batteries, allowing you to be completely present when you do socialize. And if you receive an unexpected invitation that you are pleased about, feel free to accept it—but only if it does not interfere with your need for rest.

6. Plan ahead for super social seasons

Think about the times in your life when social demands may be higher, such as holidays, peak periods at work, or family gatherings. You can avoid running on empty by scheduling breaks before and after these busy times. Consider including very chill social activities in your relaxation plan to keep connected without overextending yourself.

Make socializing a joy again, not a drain

Social relationships are important in life, but they do not have to come at the expense of your energy. Understanding your social requirements and setting smart boundaries allows you to sustain rewarding connections while also protecting your well-being. Dr. Neo reminds us that “we go further together.” So let us make our social encounters enjoyable and rejuvenating, rather than exhausting.