BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM

The holidays are a season of joy, togetherness, and—let’s be honest—a healthy dose of awkwardness. Whether it’s your uncle’s infamous political tirade, a guest lurking uncomfortably near the snack table, or estranged family members reunited under one roof, social minefields abound. But what if awkwardness wasn’t the enemy? What if it was just a part of the script?

Alexandra Plakias, an Associate Professor of Philosophy at Hamilton College, offers a fresh perspective on the art of handling awkwardness. Her research into moral psychology reveals that awkwardness isn’t a personal failing—it’s a social phenomenon that arises when we lack clear guidance on how to act.

“People aren’t awkward; situations are,” she explains. The good news? With a little preparation and perspective, you can minimize the cringe factor and turn these moments into opportunities for growth and connection.

Unpacking awkwardness: it’s not just you

Awkwardness, Plakias notes, differs from embarrassment. Embarrassment stems from personal missteps, like spilling wine on the carpet or mixing up names. Awkwardness, on the other hand, is a collective experience that arises when no one knows quite what to do.

“It’s characterized by feelings of self-consciousness, uncertainty, and discomfort,” Plakias says. But instead of avoiding it altogether, she argues that awkwardness can be a valuable teacher. “It can alert people to areas where their social norms are lacking or outdated.”

Still, no one wants to feel like they’re stuck in a real-life episode of The Office. So here are five strategies, backed by Plakias’ insights, to navigate holiday awkwardness with grace.

1. Know your goals, know your roles

Awkwardness thrives on uncertainty. Before entering a potentially tricky social situation, take a moment to clarify your goals.

For example, if Uncle Rob starts his annual monologue on politics, ask yourself what you want from the interaction. Are you hoping to change his mind? (Spoiler alert: probably not happening.) Or do you simply want to keep the peace and make others feel comfortable?

“When you’re clear on your goals, not only are you better able to perform your role, but you’re also giving clearer signals to others,” Plakias explains. Think of it as writing the script for the social drama unfolding around you.

2. There’s no ‘I’ in awkward

When awkwardness strikes, it’s easy to get stuck in your own head. Cue the mental spiral: What did I just say? Why did I say that? Am I the only one feeling this way?

But self-focus is counterproductive. “By focusing on yourself, you’re not attuned to the people around you or the signals they’re sending,” Plakias advises. Pay attention to others—they might offer subtle cues or pathways out of the uncomfortable moment.

3. Plan, coordinate, be explicit

While we meticulously plan holiday menus and travel itineraries, we often expect social interactions to flow effortlessly. However, in reality, they usually don’t.

“Sometimes a conversation goes better when you approach it with a map,” Plakias suggests. Prepare some go-to topics or questions in advance, especially if you’re hosting. Even light, scripted activities—like decorating cookies or setting the table—can keep guests engaged and ease social tension.

If you’re anticipating a challenging encounter, consider some pre-event prep work. A thoughtful email or letter can help clear the air before the big day, giving everyone time to process emotions privately. Think of it as laying the groundwork for smoother interactions.

4. Laugh it off

Sometimes, despite all your best efforts, things will get awkward. When that happens, humor can be a lifesaver.

“Offer people a way out—they’ll probably grab it,” Plakias says. This could mean making a lighthearted joke, introducing a new topic, or even creating a mild distraction. (Accidentally-on-purpose knocking over a spoon might seem dramatic, but hey, desperate times call for desperate measures.)

The point isn’t to sweep the awkwardness under the rug but to gently diffuse the tension and move forward.

5. Embrace the awkwardness

Here’s an unpopular take: sometimes, awkwardness is worth embracing. Sure, it’s uncomfortable, but it often signals deeper social complexities. Would you rather tackle those complexities or let them simmer until next year’s holiday gathering?

“Awkwardness slows things down and curbs your confidence,” Plakias acknowledges. But it also prevents more intense emotions—like anger or sadness—from dominating the room. Sometimes, leaving things slightly unresolved is the best choice for maintaining the holiday spirit.

Awkward, but worth it

The holidays aren’t about perfection; they’re about connection. Awkwardness is just part of the messy, beautiful process of bringing people together. By reframing it as a collective challenge rather than a personal failure, we can navigate these moments with a little more grace—and maybe even a dash of humor.

As Plakias puts it, “Awkwardness is the result of social uncertainty. It’s not something we can—or should—avoid altogether.” So this holiday season, when the turkey is slightly overcooked and the conversations take a left turn, remember: awkwardness might just be the secret ingredient that makes your gatherings uniquely yours.