BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM

We’ve all been there. You open your phone, casually scroll through social media, and suddenly—there it is. A photo, a video, or a post showing your friends at an event you weren’t invited to. Your heart sinks, and a flood of emotions rushes in: confusion, disappointment, maybe even a little jealousy.

It’s natural to feel left out from time to time, but when that feeling becomes a fear—one that lingers, shapes your self-esteem, and affects your relationships—it’s time to take a step back and reframe your perspective. Let’s explore what drives this fear and how to manage it in a healthy, productive way.

Why does FOMO hit so hard?

According to Melissa Legere, LMFT, Clinical Director at California Behavioral Health, the fear of being excluded often stems from our deep-rooted need to belong.

Dr. Michael Kane, chief medical officer at Indiana Center for Recovery, adds that humans are wired for connection. “As social creatures, humans thrive on inclusion. When we sense exclusion, whether real or perceived, it can trigger feelings of rejection, inadequacy, or loneliness.”

Some people may feel this fear more acutely due to past experiences—like childhood exclusion or bullying—while others might struggle with it due to conditions like social anxiety, borderline personality disorder, or depression. Social media has made it easier than ever before to compare our lives to others, intensifying the fear that we are missing out on important moments.

If you often find yourself worrying about being left out, you’re not alone. The good news? There are concrete steps you can take to deal with these feelings in a healthy way.

7 powerful ways to overcome the fear of being left out

1. Acknowledge and process your emotions

The first step is recognizing how you feel. Instead of suppressing or dismissing your emotions, allow yourself to acknowledge them. Ask yourself: What exactly am I feeling right now? Is it sadness, insecurity, or frustration? Journaling, meditation, or simply naming your emotions can help bring clarity and relief.

Dr. Kane notes that “when you name your emotions, you regain a sense of control over them,” making it easier to process and move forward.

2. Challenge negative assumptions

Our brains are wired with a negativity bias, meaning we often assume the worst-case scenario. If you weren’t invited to an event, your mind might immediately jump to They don’t like me or I must have done something wrong.

But in reality? Plans happen spontaneously. Maybe space was limited, or the event wasn’t as big as it seemed. Instead of assuming the worst, try to adopt a more balanced perspective.

Legere suggests reaching out to clarify. “Sometimes, things simply get overlooked or plans change suddenly,” she says. “Reaching out can clear the air and ease unnecessary stress.”

3. Reflect on personal triggers

Sometimes, feeling left out isn’t just about the present—it’s tied to deeper insecurities. If you often struggle with this fear, consider asking yourself: Is this reaction based on past experiences? or Does this situation remind me of an earlier time when I felt excluded?

Understanding your triggers can help you separate past emotions from the present moment, making it easier to manage your response.

4. Communicate openly with others

If you feel excluded from a group, don’t be afraid to express how you feel. “Speaking up for yourself and communicating your desire to join in can be very empowering,” says therapist Victoria Murray, LCSW.

Use “I” statements to express your feelings without placing blame. For example: “I noticed I wasn’t included in last night’s dinner, and I felt a little left out. I’d love to be part of future plans if there’s room.” Honest conversations can strengthen relationships and help others understand your needs.

5. Focus on self-confidence and self-worth

When we tie our self-worth to external validation—like being included in every social event—we set ourselves up for disappointment. Instead, focus on building self-confidence from within.

“Remind yourself of your unique qualities and the value you bring to relationships,” says Dr. Kane. “Surround yourself with supportive people who appreciate you for who you are.”

Engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment—whether it’s a hobby, exercise, or investing in your personal growth—can also reinforce your sense of self-worth.

6. Practice self-care and emotional resilience

Strong emotions can take a toll on mental and physical well-being. That’s why self-care is essential when dealing with feelings of exclusion.

Take time to do activities that help you recharge, whether that’s reading, exercising, or spending time with a close friend. “Resist the urge to ‘push through’ difficult feelings,” says Murray. “They’re communicating something to you—sometimes they’re telling you to slow down and give yourself a break.”

7. Take initiative in social situations

If you often find yourself on the sidelines waiting for an invitation, take charge instead! Reach out to friends, make plans, or suggest activities that you enjoy.

“Letting others take charge leaves you passive, helpless, and out of control,” says Murray. “When you initiate, you empower yourself and create more opportunities for connection.”

Remember: you are more than your social calendar

The fear of missing out is a natural human experience, but it doesn’t define your value. Everyone experiences moments of exclusion—it’s how we respond that makes the difference.

By acknowledging your feelings, challenging negative thoughts, and strengthening your confidence, you can reduce social anxiety and build deeper, more fulfilling connections.

So, next time you catch yourself feeling left out, remember: you are enough, just as you are.