BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM
The holiday season is a time for joy, connection, and—of course—great food. But for many, family gatherings can feel like navigating a social minefield, especially when unsolicited comments about food and body size start flying.
Whether it’s a relative pointing out how much you’re eating, a friend commenting on your body, or someone dropping calorie facts about your favorite dish, these remarks can be as unwelcome as burnt pie crust.
As Amber Stevens, PsyD, a psychologist specializing in disordered eating, explains: “You can appreciate someone’s intent in offering what they believe to be a positive comment while gracefully offering a correction and redirection.” In other words, it’s all about striking a balance between standing your ground and keeping the peace.
Polite but firm responses to body comments
A well-meaning relative might say something like, “You look great! Have you lost weight?” While intended as a compliment, this kind of remark reinforces harmful societal standards. Instead of awkwardly laughing or brushing it off, you can redirect the conversation.
Dr. Stevens suggests responding with something like: “I think you meant that as a compliment, but this is a sensitive topic for me. What have you been up to lately?” or, “I’m working hard to focus less on my body right now. Let’s talk about something else.” This approach acknowledges their good intentions while firmly setting boundaries.
For comments about someone else’s weight fluctuations, you can try to normalize change by responding with something like: “All bodies change over time for so many reasons, including ours. Personally, I’ve been more impressed by how warm and welcoming they were to everyone at dinner.”
Handling food remarks with grace (or sass)
Food talk often veers into diet culture territory, with remarks like, “Wow, that stuffing is so high-calorie!” or “I could never eat that much.” Leah Tsui, RD, advises tailoring your response to your comfort level.
A neutral reply could be: “Thanks for letting me know!” If you’re feeling witty, go with: “Wow, thanks! I had no idea!” Alternatively, a straightforward response works too: “Yes, it is high-calorie, and I’m going to enjoy every single bite.”
When someone comments on the size of your plate—“Are you really going to eat all that?”—dietitian Katy Gaston, RD, recommends humor: “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I guess we’ll have to see!” Or, if practicality is more your style, try: “I like to fill my plate, but I also love leftovers, so I can always save some for later.”
Reframing conversations around movement and food
Post-holiday exercise talk often ties movement to guilt over food, with comments like, “I need to hit the gym tomorrow after all this food!” or “Let’s hike to burn this off.” These remarks can perpetuate unhealthy relationships with exercise and eating.
If the idea of a group activity appeals but the framing doesn’t, dietitian Samantha Barash, RD, suggests saying: “A hike sounds fun, but I’m working on not using movement to ‘earn’ my food. Let’s do it for fun instead!”
If you’re uninterested in the conversation entirely, a polite decline works wonders: “Thanks for thinking of me! I’ll see how I’m feeling tomorrow and decide then.”
Protect your peace this holiday season
Navigating tricky food and body conversations during the holidays can feel overwhelming, but having a few prepared responses can help. Whether you choose humor, assertiveness, or redirection, the key is to protect your peace while staying true to your values.
“Know that you are not obligated to justify how much or what you eat to anyone,” Gaston reminds us. So fill your plate, enjoy your pie, and let the comments roll off your back like butter on a biscuit.
