BY THE OPTIMIST DAILY EDITORIAL TEAM
The holidays often promise warmth, connection, and celebration, but for those with toxic family dynamics, they can feel more like a minefield. If a controlling relative, competitive sibling or dramatic in-law has you dreading the season, take heart—mental health experts Janet Bayramyan, LCSW, and Dr. Lisa Pion-Berlin, ACSW, ACHT, are here with practical tips to help you protect your peace and navigate these tricky waters.
1. Set healthy boundaries
When it comes to toxic family members, boundaries are your best friend. “Express your boundaries upfront in any interaction,” says Dr. Pion-Berlin. This might mean limiting time commitments, avoiding certain topics, or even planning an exit strategy for uncomfortable moments.
Bayramyan suggests practical ways to implement boundaries, like “shortening your visits, arriving late, leaving early, or spending time with others to minimize interaction.” Remember, boundaries are about safeguarding your mental well-being, not pleasing others.
2. Know when to step away
Sometimes the best way to handle a toxic person is to skip the gathering altogether. “Your mental health and well-being should always come first,” Pion-Berlin emphasizes. If attending an event feels more harmful than joyful, it’s perfectly okay to bow out.
Bayramyan echoes this sentiment: “Protecting your peace is a priority.” If the host is someone you care about, consider suggesting an alternative plan. “You could meet up at another time for coffee or a private gathering,” Pion-Berlin suggests. This lets you maintain bonds without subjecting yourself to unnecessary tension.
3. Avoid confrontation during the holidays
While it may be tempting to address longstanding issues during a family gathering, the experts caution against it. “Holidays are often high-stress and emotionally charged, making it an unideal time for confrontation,” says Bayramyan. Heated exchanges can not only escalate tensions but also ruin the occasion for others.
Instead, save difficult conversations for a calmer, private setting when both parties are more likely to engage constructively. “If something said makes you uncomfortable, try to change the subject or calmly excuse yourself,” advises Pion-Berlin. “The goal isn’t to confront the individual but to safeguard your peace of mind.”
4. Focus on neutral topics
When conversations steer toward drama or conflict, redirecting to light and neutral topics can help keep the peace. “Steer conversations to subjects like the weather, favorite TV shows, or family traditions,” suggests Bayramyan. Sure, these may feel surface-level, but they’re far less likely to stir conflict than diving into controversial or sensitive issues.
5. Practice emotional detachment
Toxic behaviors can feel personal, but often, they’re not about you. “Recognize that their behavior is about them, not you,” Bayramyan advises. Visualizing an emotional “shield” can help you deflect negativity and maintain your inner calm.
Detaching emotionally doesn’t mean you don’t care—it means you’re prioritizing your mental health. Stay focused on what you can control and let go of the rest.
6. Build a support system
Navigating challenging family dynamics can feel isolating, but you’re not alone. Bayramyan encourages leaning on trusted friends or family members for support, whether they’re present at the gathering or available afterward for a debrief.
“There’s strength in having allies,” she says. Planning a check-in with a supportive friend after a gathering can provide relief and reassurance, helping you process any stress.
Making the holidays work for you
The holiday season doesn’t have to revolve around pleasing everyone else. “The goal is to prioritize your well-being and create a holiday experience that aligns with your needs,” says Pion-Berlin.
Whether that means setting firm boundaries, walking away from conflict, or opting out of certain events entirely, you’re in control of your holiday experience. With these expert-backed strategies, you can approach the season with confidence, knowing you’re equipped to handle difficult dynamics while safeguarding your peace.
As Bayramyan puts it: “Protecting your peace is a priority.”
